Be My Valentine Tonight.

Saturday, 20 September 2008

failure

yes...i finished my final exam of this sem le, should be happy,
but i didn't feel so...
because something happen to me and my best friends...
first, watermelon aka Esther,
she asked me to go out tonight,
but i rejected because i promised my housemate to clubbing,
and i wanted to go also...
then she started to sms me something that really hurt me...

1st message:
"suen la..i think u mayb might not go out aso even if u din promised them Long Time Ago.! Or u prefer go out mur than us.bcoz they r mur Close n Important 4 u compared wf us! No nid 2 tel me d answer.jz ask urself.isnt tt wat u thinked! Nt wana force u 2 go out.is jz there's ady a problem appeared Long Time Ago! tot is time 2 solve since u ady finish exam! bt honestly.wat u've done jz lettin us fil tt u r nt appreciate our's Friendship!"
- for me, everyone of my friends are IMPORTANT to me...i dont know what's the problem she mentioned, maybe is because i neglected them recently...one of the causes is because i really busy with my assignments and exam, but when i'm free, i just wanna rest at home, dont feel like going out...so, every times she asked me out, i also rejected...i didn't lie to them, i really rest at home and chit chatting in msn, but she thought i'm lying...i feel disappointed to her also...

2nd message:
"Dun tot tt im 3years old children--easy to bluff..?!Im nt wf u nt meaning tt i duno wat r u doin..Is d same as ur mum..! If u r meature enuf..U ll noe wat can do..wt kenot do.! Wt is gd 4 u..N wt is nt.! U can differentiate wt is gd n bad.! N if u reali appreciate..Den no nid 2 bluff us.!"
- she said i'm not mature enough, how do i not mature enough?!?!is it just because i going clubbing, then she think so?!?!is it clubbing means that the person is thinking childish?!?!she mentioned that what can do, what cannot do, what i have did actually?!i just clubbing with a gang of friends that i trusted, anything wrong?!i wont put myself in risk, i'll try to protect myself also...besides, i didn't make myself drunk even though i wish to try, i know they are worry about me...again, she mentioned that i bluff them...what the hell is it...when i bluff them...??

3rd message:
"Go clubbin..Ya..V ady noe u luv 2 go those place since secondary skol..Bt since last time u went..V ady vri worried abou u..worried d whole nite.! Bt u like fil nthin.! Diz time u even go sumur..Plus wana dress up mur sexier.! V reali cant do anythin..U jz do watever u like...Jz hope tt u WOnt regret.!
- the first time i clubbing, i also worry, but i found that i was wrong...what i need to worry about?!they are gentlement, they wont bully girls...some more will protect girls...dress up more sexier, hahaaa...i dont think it's sexier...will u wear long pants, long sleeve to clubbing?!definitely NO for all clubbers, i mean female...'Diz time u even go sumur', y i cant go for the second time, is it MUST once only??

4th message:
Wat v can do...V ady done...Wt c hv 2 say...Oledy told u...Up 2 u...Mayb wat i said is sound vri cruel..! Bt i think its our 'limit' ady..!! Honestly...V ady tired ady..!! U choose 2 go clubin wf ur HOUsemaTe...Than go wf us..Its reali let us fil 'sam tam' n disappointed...Words may hurt..Bt there's our 'zhong gao'..There's 1 sentence..'zhong yan ni er'...Wish tt u can think probably...'zhong sheng dui ni shuo sheng bao qian'...
- what i've did?!?!y she want to said 'Wat v can do...V ady done...Wt c hv 2 say...Oledy told u...Up 2 u...' limit, what the hell limit she mentioned?!?!i didn't use drug, didn't neglect my studies, didn't do anythings bad, just went to club only...anything wrong...?!?!i really dont understand, they dont like clubbing doesn't mean that i need to follow their thinking also...i dont think that clubbing is a bad thing, as long as i dont become bad girl...

i found that i failed to communicate with her liao...
started to feel strange to her and myslef also...
ya, i hide many things of myself from her,
didn't tell her,
because i found there is a transparent wall between us...
she said that i've changed to the one that they dont know,
but i also feel that she've changed...
everyone is changing actually...
by the way, she kept saying i cheating, no appreciate our friendship,
it's really hurt me...and disappointed...
i think we cant go back to the days we were in secondary school,
since we have a different life now...

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